Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
