last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
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