I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
