I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
