She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
