I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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