Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
