whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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