Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
