my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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