Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
