The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
