Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
only if we run a train.
done.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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