How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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