I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
