So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
