She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
