Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
