I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
