Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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