Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
