i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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