My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
