we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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