my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
