We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
