My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
