They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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