Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
