trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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