I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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