I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
