I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
