I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
