I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
