i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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