Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
