if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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