And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
