im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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