My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
