I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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