So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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