Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
