Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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