Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
