You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
