I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
