Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize