my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
