It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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