ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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