Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
