we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
