On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
