New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
