she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
