Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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