I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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