I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
