I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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