You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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