I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize