foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
