Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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