The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
