She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
